The Long Road Home

Yes, it's been a while since I have written a blog post. Maybe I simply had nothing to say, or maybe nothing I felt was relevant.
I'm always surprised that anyone wants to peruse my ramblings- but, then again, maybe some people think looking inside an author's brain, seeing how they tick, is amusing.

Whatever your motivation is for reading this blog, I'm happy you have come for a visit, regardless of the reason.

I could discuss the daily topics that appear on social network walls, some which make my stomach pinch with nausea, but I won't.

I avoid controversy now. Maybe I've become jaded, or simply worn out from the squabbles. I seem to be on the front lines too much. I'm convinced I was a warrior in a previous life, destined to fight. But even the mightiest of soldiers get battle fatigue.

I thought about giving up on writing. After making the two feature films and churning out a book a month to keep an income coming in, I became very ill. I had lost so much weight,(so much, my doctor was furious with me!) and all my strength. So, I curled in bed and tried to work out the demons in my head and figure out where I wanted to go next.

Recently, Kage Alan wrote a blog about how writers must write. You can read his blog here: http://www.kagealan.com/blog/2015/an-authors-obsession-to-write/

Also, after going to Austin to the convention created by Diana Castilleja and Stella Price, I had a chance to hang out with friends, fans, and maybe get inspired to do what I love. Which is, of course, write gay erotica.

Sometimes the war gets tough, as all writers know. For me dealing with illegal downloads of all my work, including my films, seems like a losing battle. Pirates gonna pirate, just as haters gonna hate. I guess these are facts, not myths. But being a former cop, my instinct to battle everything that is wrong in the world kicks in. Guess what? I'm

not superman. I can't fix everything that is fucked up in the world. Lord knows I would love to. But railing, stomping and holding my breath until I turn blue, well, it didn't do much other than make me very skinny.

It's so easy to get bogged down by trolls, thieves, scam artists, bigotry, racism, hatred, anti-police bashing. Sometimes I simply want to vanish into my fantasy world of novels, and pretend the real world is fiction and my love stories are real.

Bennet Pomerantz was kind enough to ask me back to his blog radio show. I do adore him and after talking to him for that half hour, I feel renewed in my hope that things will be okay if I just keep plugging along.

The world seems to conspire against so many of us. I can see it all around me. How many of us are on the front lines in our own life, battling- well, everything from poverty, to ill family members, to being sick themselves, to...name it, its there.

My new 'joke' if you could call it that, is that 'This is Hell'. I, at times, am convinced our day to day living is indeed, hell, and where we go next? I can only hope its better than this!

Where the heck am I going on this blog? Well, The Long Road Home. And for me, that's Mark Richfield.

In my last few books Mark has been hovering around...if you are a fan of his, you may read about his car, his Tuscan TVR, passing in the street in LA, or perhaps his cologne, Dangereux , has been dabbed on a character's skin, or maybe they're driving by his billboards, and take note. Yes, Mark Antonious Richfield has been haunting my work.

It wasn't until I looked back at Saying Goodbye's reviews, that I realized - my fans miss him. And the most ironic part, I miss him.
Yes, when I die, Mark will die as well. But, guess what? I'm not dead yet. At least I think I'm alive. I keep typing novels.

Which brings me to Coming Home- Book 16 in the Action! Series. I'm nearly through with the rough draft, and will hopefully release it in September.

I sometimes wonder why I'm still here-No. Seriously. Why? Not only have I had close calls while serving as a police officer, (I'm convinced there are police angels and so many have saved my sad uniformed-ass- I had them working overtime.) But there are times, spiritually, mentally, and physically, I feel as if I'm already gone.

But I'm still here. Still here to see what's going on around me, either through social networks, or gossip. But for me? Drama is dead.

While I can breathe and type, I will continue to put out my love of MM romance and release it to those amazing fans who keep me going. Yes, they are my heroes. I now know whom to avoid and who will be an ally. Live it- learn it-

And like my creation, Mark Antonious- (I have seen posts about people who despise him. Which is quite hilarious since he isn't real.) But, sorry Mark-haters, he is back. I am back. For how long? No one knows. Do you know your end date to this journey we call life?

The Long Road Home...I'm making my way there. I know one day I will be 'home'. But for now, I'm here for you. To entertain you- to make you laugh or cry, but hopefully to bring out the best in you.

And on one last note. I'm thrilled to have Capital Games being released on TV. In my wildest dreams I never would have imagined living to see that. I owe a thank you to not only OutTV, but to Breaking Glass Pictures. My fans are thrilled, my haters are most likely throwing daggers at me- but sometimes you have to take the few accomplishments in life, and know, they are reasons to be thankful. To be alive.

And I am thankful. Thankful for so many friends and fans who read my work, thankful for those who take the time to post reviews, thankful for emails of encouragement. Because in this short time-span we call life, if you have touched even a few, you have lived.

Be safe out there, it's a very dangerous world.