The Art of Spontaneous Combustion

spon·ta·ne·ous com·bus·tion
noun: spontaneous combustion
the ignition of organic matter (e.g., hay or coal) without apparent cause, typically through heat generated internally by rapid oxidation.

Well, this is the definition of it. And I at times feel as if I'm about to ignite.

Why? You may ask...or you may not, whatever... I have always been a dichotomy of beliefs, which has made me, and anyone around me, either confused or simply annoyed. If you want to talk about profiling or political views, well, talking to me will utterly baffle you. I know, I've heard it from many.

Let me try to explain.

I was an art student. I painted, sculpted, etched, you know the drill, all while going to art school in NYC and in my 'spare' time, I was battling killing wolves, and picketing the garment district which had a large fur manufacturing area. My love of animals translated to art.

Okay, I didn't make it as a world famous wildlife artist, but still, my heart was in the right place. Then, I hit other jobs, some good, some bad, some ugly....and then...the shit hit the fan.

I wanted to help people. So? I became a Seattle cop.

Me, the 'hippie' art student. Yup. My colleagues didn't understand me at all. When someone was kicking around the geese at Greenlake, who ya gonna call? 'Enviro-cop'. Me. I took all the calls none of the cops wanted, when it came to animals, well, most of them. I arrested a kid for putting a BB pellet into a sparrow, did you know it's a felony? The Pasado Law. Don't mess with me when it comes to animal cruelty, I will fuck you up.

Okay...wait a minute. A mini-cop, who likes the environment and animals. Already weird? Maybe. There's more! I'm supposed to be a thug. Right? I wear a badge and a gun. So? I stop people because of race, color, what? Don't I? Um no. Not me.
A cop that's not a racist? Another oxymoron! Sorry, buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Wrong.

Then, I went from 'Enviro-hippie' I-must-be-a-racist-thug-cop, to writing gay erotica. So now my right-wing police buddies can scratch their heads and think, 'See? She was insane."

Not only did I write gay erotic romance, I wrote and made an interracial film about two men! Oh No!

Naked Dragon
https://vimeo.com/ondemand/23760

and of course the original gay flick, Capital Games
http://www.amazon.com/Capital-Gregor-Cosgrove-Keough-Presnall/dp/B00GSA3K6C#

So what the hell do we have so far?? A wildlife artist, who protested fur, the killing of wolves, who became a cop, arrested bad guys, was supposed to be a 'thug' and racist, who loves machine guns...and now...I write gay stuff?

If you think that's bad, I do believe my Facebook wall is going to have a civil war. Between the police groups, the gay groups and the...well anything else you can imagine groups, I can't be fucking classified! My beliefs are extreme, but not on the same side!


What the hell am I going on about?
THIS- DO NOT JUDGE PEOPLE ON WHAT YOU THINK THEY SHOULD BE.
No-brainer, right? WRONG. The cops don't wanna see my daily male pics or my book covers about gay lovers, my left leaning voters aren't particularly keen on cops trying to keep alive, so they don't want to see police officers doing things that they are ORDERED to do, or well, yes, a few idiots are out there in every profession. Please, don't make this a debate against cops and civilians. Because as you see- I am caught up in the crossfire.


And that's why I drink...
No, I'm kidding. But it is why writing is such a salvation for me. If I couldn't vanish into my books, into the idea that love wins, love conquers all, and there is no place for hate in our lives, I would indeed, be done.

So, those of you who think they know me? Hate me for...(fill in the blank) fine. I'm learning the hard way, I can only control myself and my actions, not those of others.
But just be aware. If one day there is a pile of ashes on the chair in front of my computer, you now know. I have spontaneously combusted.

Be safe out there, it's a world gone mad.
PS I also wrote a ton of novels, some even about cops! check them out here, http://www.authorgahauser.com/