Fear and loathing in the new world

Media reflects the world. Did you know that?
TV, film, novels and theater, tend to move with trends. Some are perhaps making predictions; apocalyptic futures, zombies, nuclear holocaust. Fear.
It's a very good business to be in.
If you create an environment of terror, you can manipulate people. It's easy. Just broadcast a 24 hour channel (it doesn't matter if its web, radio, or TV) and scare the hell out of your fans.

In essence, we are still primal. We still maintain the fear reaction of flight or fight. It's a survival mechanism. I'm sure there was a time in our evolution that it came in handy.

Via the internet, we can subscribe to any type of fear we desire. Yes, we desire it.
The movie industry alone has made billions off of it. I know you can name horror films by the dozen. If not, just surf channels on television. At the moment, fear and horror, seem to be the product in demand.

I can't go an evening without cringing and trying to find something that doesn't slap me in the face with graphic violence. It's just who we are.

Ironically, the industry of love- is lacking. Love has become passe. A cliche.
Straight sex combined with violence is beginning to go hand in hand. The entertainment industry continues to cross genres. Horror is now a standard viewing guide to violence towards women. It has been for generations. Nothing has changed. Violence towards women is an industry, a thriving one. I didn't think it could get worse. But it will.

Where does that leave individuals who want to continue to battle for love? Love that some deem as sinful, should be illegal, should be punishable by prison, or death?

Are we supposed to hide in the shadows now? Allow fear and loathing to dominate everything in a society so polarized it has become a dark mirror of our worst nightmares realized?

What's my new plan? Am I supposed to write about how this current political climate has made me feel? Pour out my angst and fear in my next novel? Do I begin to reflect the rising anger, the rising hatred, the violence that never goes away?

It's hard to write fluffy love stories at the moment. Yes, I need to escape, like everyone else. I escape in my work to a world of tolerance, understanding, love...I have to. It's my primal 'flight' mechanism.

I can't live in reality. It's too frightening.
The fear mongering has worked. I imagine a far away place, one with no forwarding address. Isolated from the current tide of terror.

But, there is nowhere to run.

That means, I have to stay here and fight.

I have been fighting for decades. There is always a cause.

So? Will the next book I write be about fear? About stress? About what 2017 and the four years to come have in store for us?

It's a hard decision, being influenced by the media and everything I see every day, no matter how I try to shield myself from it.

I may be a dreamer, but I will always believe in love, in kindness, and in tolerance.

Fear. The new normal.

Be careful out there. It's a dangerous world.

I Am the Granddaughter of Immigrants

I hesitate to delve into politics right now. Enough has been said on social media, etc, to say the least. And here I am, a former cop, who is now a writer of gay erotica, adding my two cents.

Needless to say my head spins with the chaos of our world right now.

I can't help myself. Blame the writer in me. Blame the advocate- the mouth who can't shut up when it sees bullying, injustice, or stereotypes. (Do you think I fit a stereotype? Which one? Police thug or hippie artist. Good luck with that.)

One thing you will never take from me is my heritage. I AM A PROUD GRANDDAUGHTER OF IMMIGRANTS.

Both sides, four grandparents. Yup.

They came to this country to work hard, and raise their family, to live in a place they had imagined in their dreams. To escape persecution, to build a life.
And they did.

I used to be enthralled to hear my grandfather's stories. How he came here through Ellis Island, and learned how to survive in New York, alone. Worked hard, raised two sons, and they in turn did the same, raised a family of college educated children.

The name I have 'HAUSER' I am proud of. I am Austrian. I am Jewish. I am a woman.

In the current climate, that's three strikes against me. Right?

What can you do to me that hasn't been done? I survived bullying as a kid, sexual harassment in two places I worked, and even lived through working that thin blue line. Now? I'm a strong advocate for civil rights, for equal rights. You got a problem with that? Tough.

What I had to deal with in my lifetime was nothing to what my grandparents dealt with. They made a change in their lives that was so powerful, it gave me the opportunity to do what I am doing now; earning a living as an author...of GAY EROTICA.

Thank you to my brave family members, who cried when they saw the Statue of Liberty.

I am second generation American. And I'm proud.

Be careful out there, it's a very scary world.

How Many Have I Touched? Have I Touched You?

Ahh, the decades. They do fly. The days may seem long, the nights eternal, but the years? They flash by like a slideshow in my mind.

I think back on so many things; my family, friends, lovers, names, faces, and influences on my life.
Songs come to mind as well, I suppose like scents, they remind me of eras, of passions, of anger; snapshots of a life well lived.

Poems, and lyrics, novels and melodies, they crash in and out of my consciousness.

Our lifespan is so finite, so invisible in the enormity. So few will make a difference.

I often wonder about why, why we are here. And a wise man once told me, "There are no answers."

He was right.
There is thought, possibility, but no one has yet to answer why. Why are we here?

In my life, a poetic timeline behind me, how many more days ahead, I don't know...
But I hope I have touched others in a good way.

Each day is a promise, each night is a dream.

We go through it alone or together, but we share one thing.
We are human. We are fragile. We are not immortal.

And in some way good or bad, we have touched another in our path.

So? What traces have we left behind? When we pass on, what endures and what is blown away by the wind of time? Many of the people in my life have made an impact on me. How many have I touched? Have I touched you?

Living in the Past

Ahh, the good ole days, right?

Thinking back to simpler times, when we were kids, texting, sexting...wait.
That's not what I'm talking about.

On social networks, posts appear of items that are now obsolete. I suppose its a game for some under 20 to figure it out. What on earth is that thing? You know, in the Stone Ages, when we had to get up off the sofa to change the four channels we had.

There are mixed messages for those who 'look-back'. I think many people mean, nostalgia of the sweet kind; bikes with banana seats, hide and seek, kick the can, bell-bottoms and tie-dye shirts.

The political climate has changed that. Right? Some think the old days mean, women in the kitchen, barefoot and preggo? Memories of my mother seeing a sign in Fair Lawn that read, 'No Jews or Dogs Allowed'. I don't think she would think those were good days. I don't either.

I see some of the sitcoms from that era and I cringe. Our sensibilities have changed. For better or worse.

We are who we are; technology and all. I read blogs from some of my buddies on FB- (you know, that site with all the great- cough-cough- information?) taking the time to document everything from social injustice to full-frontal male nudity.

Maybe as we get old, we suffer from euphoric recall- yes, it is a 'thing'. We remember the good, not the bad. Perhaps this is more human nature, protecting us from pain.

The decade I grew up in, looking back, was both simpler, and possibly spurred on creativity in many of us. Do we pass milestone birthdays and spend our quiet moments reminiscing? I think of all the people that have come and gone through my life, and I sometimes am amazed at the number. Some I have loved, and lost, others, glad they are behind me.

We have those pictures in our mind, in photo albums? Is that more obsolete nostalgia? Photo albums. Nope, no phones to take photos with, no video cameras in every hand, on every street...witnessing, documenting...

Time. Here we are growing closer to 2017. Imagine that number to our grandparents? My grandfather was born in 1900. Yes. 1900. What do teens think of that number now? And the USA is young. Living in England, I had a taste of real history. The church in my town has a REAL knight carved in a marble casket. This structure was first built in 1099. Huh. Imagine that?

Living in the past...
Those who forget it, are destined to repeat it, they say.
What about those who remember the best of it, instead of the worst? Silly old lady? Or smart as a fox?

There is no now without our past. There is no future without our foundations.
And, here we have come- into a new world where cyber-bullying kills people, lives are derailed in a tweet- young people are exposed to hate, threats, misinformation and a scary new world of political unrest...wait- that's the 1960's all over again, isn't it?

Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll? That was our anthem, wasn't it?

I don't know any longer where we will be in the next decade. It's easy to get swallowed up in the rising anger and ignorance. No one is left to talk face to face. We have become a generation that dreads the phone ringing, since we all text, right? (A few of us recall a phone with a curling cord. It was maddening, wasn't it?)

Now we face new challenges- or are they new?
Pharma companies greed, rights being challenged, riots, severe weather, towns flooded, cities on fire...

Rome once burned. Venice is believed to be sinking. Glaciers calve at an alarming rate.

Living in the past...
Sadly, our past is now our future, as we stumble against the same old issues, the same old ground, and the same old hate.

I think I'll put on an LP or a 45 by the light of a lava lamp, and light up a bong. Ahhh, the good ole days.

Be safe out there. It's a very scary world.

When I Filmed NAKED DRAGON

Isn't it a wonderful world?

Trucks running over crowds enjoying fireworks, governments collapsing, police officers being murdered in cold blood...

Ahh, yes, the wonder of waking up in the morning to see what death and pain will be in my face today. Well? Isn't it daily? Haven't we become a universe of pain and hurt? No? You haven't? Well, good for you.

Once more I am confused and tired. Very tired. Here I am, a former Peace Officer, seeing my brothers die senselessly. But, wait. I was a cop, so...doesn't that mean I'm a racist thug? Sure. That's me.

So, this former racist thug, made a movie.
Another idea from moron me, in the hope of bridging a divide.

Anyone who has read my work knows I am an advocate for same sex rights, duh.
But? Interracial love? Me? The thug?

I actually dedicated Naked Dragon to my brothers in blue. Oh, wait. Black cops don't count? What was I thinking?

Well, I made the movie years ago. Would I have made it today? No.
I was lucky to have made two feature films, oh so lucky. And you should see how well they're doing! Oh yes- the torrent sites LOVE them, even Youtube won't stop uploading them, and now are asking me to prove who I am, because, my taking them down DAILY is so suspicious. Of course! I was a cop. So? I must be a piece of shit.

During filming, I had to give my actors a crash course in being a cop.

I asked them, "Do you want to be a police officer after what you know now?" NO! They did not. What a surprise.

I had two great guys paired off as my interracial couple. A black police officer, and a white FBI agent.

These two professional actors did an outstanding job for me. They added their own input, their style, and I appreciated it. At the time, I employed many minorities, behind and in front of the camera. Why? Because it didn't matter what they were, just that they could do the work. And that makes sense, right?

In Capital Games, one of my main characters, Steve Miller, had been in love with a gorgeous African American woman. Once more, the former cop was trying to send a message, love is love, is love, is love.

Meh, who cares?

The prevailing social media calls for HATE, MORE HATE, MORE MURDER, MORE ABUSE, MORE VIOLENCE, MORE ANGER, MORE, MORE, MORE.

What's the point? Why try to bring understanding and love into the equation. Hate is so much more exciting, right? It makes the news! Woo! Look another funeral! Another video of brutality, death, hate, division. My, how far we have come.


I give up. Sorry. I do. How do I battle for both sides? How do I mourn the loss of my fellow officers, and produce films promoting love? I can't. Hate won. I am completely exhausted trying to promote love. It's not working.

I did. So? I can say I did it. It was an amazing and exhilarating experience, at the time. Now? A what? A sad attempt for a no-name to make a dent in hate.

Whatever. Maybe love does not conquer hatred. Maybe ignorance and destruction is in our DNA. Either way, I lose.




Link:
Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/23760
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Naked-Dragon-Jesse-Sean-Atkinson/dp/B00PCZF3E6

If you believe in love, all love, WTF, here.

Link: https://www.amazon.com/Capital-Gregor-Cosgrove-Keough-Presnall

It was worth a try, right?
Maybe not.
#Alllivesmatter

At least they do to me.

My Interview with Mark Antonious Richfield and LAPD Captain Billy Sharpe

Hi again! In honor of Book 20, ANYTHING BUT from my ACTION! SERIES- I have both Mark Antonious Richfield and Police Captain Billy Sharpe as my guests. Take a moment to enjoy two of my favorite characters of all time.
Our interview took place at a sound studio in Burbank, California, USA.
Mark Antonious entered the room wearing black slacks and a crew-neck short-sleeved black top, while Captain Sharpe wore blue jeans and a black polo shirt with a white SWAT logo on the chest. The Captain also wore his pistol in a holster, along with his badge, on his belt.

Me: Well! Hello!

Mark: Hullo, lovely.

Billy: Hi.

Me: Mark, good to see you again.

Mark: Thank you.

Me: And Billy…wow. I know your fans will be thrilled you took the time off to come and chat.

Billy: *modest laughter.

Me: Okay. Where do I begin? *looks down at my pad of questions. Right. You two men were the topic of quite a few emails and comments in recent weeks. Care to confirm or deny any suspicion of an ongoing affair?

Mark: Rubbish. Is that all you can chat about? If I’d’ve known, I’d have sat down with a weekly celeb rag.

Me: Come now, Mark. Don’t pretend you and Billy don’t have the hots for each other.

Billy: No. Okay? To all of your fans who think we’re fucking, no.

Me: Well, that’s blunt. Why should we believe you?

Billy: Because we’re telling you the truth.

Mark: Bloody hell. Is this what you want to discuss? *folds his arms and pouts.

Me: Fine. We’ll pretend you two aren’t madly in love.

Mark to Billy: I’m not sitting here for that bollocks.

Billy to Mark: Calm down, Richfield.

Me: Okay. How about we talk about Book 20? Any reason why anyone should read it?

Mark: No. Are we done?

Billy: *chuckles. I think you know why people will read it.

Me: Uh huh. You two hot-fuckers make them crazy.

Mark: She must be referring to you, Captain.

Billy: Sure, Mark.

Me: No, I’m referring to you too, Mark. Or shall I say, The World’s Most Beautiful Man?

Mark: Rubbish.

Billy: *thumbs at Mark. You want me to argue?

Me: Man, did it just get hot in here? *loosens collar.

Billy: You said this was an interview. Are you taping it?

Me: I am. Okay, next question. Captain? Is Alexander, your husband, and Mark’s son, going to get a new tattoo? The one he has now on his pelvis is a lieutenant’s badge.

Billy: I think we’re waiting on that.

Mark: You do know Billy has applied for the position of Chief of Police.

Me: And? Are we going to celebrate your promotion?

Billy: Don’t jinx me.

Me: Mark…

Mark: Yes? *leans closer.

Me: Damn. Why do you smell so good?

Billy: *laughs. Dangereux Red, his new cologne.

Me: Yum.

Mark: Ms Hauser?

Me: Hm?

Mark: Do take your hand off my leg.

Billy: *roars with laughter.

Me: Sorry. Where was I? *fans self. Okay. Mark.

Mark: Yes? *taps fingers impatiently.

Me: Will you ever leave Steve for Billy?

Mark: No! Why is that a topic? *leans to look at my pad. Really? Haven’t we had enough?

Billy: Of you? Never enough.

Me: *pointing my pen at Billy. He said it, not me.

Mark: You want to encourage your fans to read Book 20. I do believe you are failing the test.

Billy: Don’t be so hard on her.

Mark: Typical. Two police thugs defending each other.

Me: Mark, I’m not a cop any longer.

Mark: Now you sound like Steven.

Billy: You do realize you call us thugs and then fantasize about police officers gang-banging you.

Me: *cracks up.

Mark: You didn’t just say that out loud. Is nothing sacred?

Me: Oh, boy. I’m losing it. Damn. Someone. Turn on a fan!

Billy: Yes, he’s hot. *points to Mark.

Me: Where was I?

Mark: Are we through?

Me: Where do you have to be?

Mark: I don’t see why that’s your business.

Billy: Mark. Calm down.

Mark: Why does everyone tell me that?

Me: Okay. Hang on. *holds hands up. One more question. Who do the fans love more? You, Mark Antonious, or you, Captain Sharpe?

*Mark and Billy exchange looks.

Mark: They love Adam, not us.

Billy: Adam? Why Adam?

Mark: They think he’s the only sane one.

Billy:*narrows gaze at Mark. Adam? Adam Lewis? Sane?

Mark: Yes. I don’t think the fans care for either the captain or myself. Perhaps, Jackie? *pauses. Ms Hauser? Your hand is on my leg again.

Me: Sorry. Damn. Can I sit on your lap?

Mark: No! Now you sound like Josh Elliot.

Billy: *laughing.

Mark: Stop encouraging her outlandish behaviour.

Me: Well, I think I’ll stick to my day job. I don’t think my interview is working. All I’m doing is fantasizing about being the meat in a Sharpe-Richfield sandwich.

Mark: Naughty girl. *wags finger.

Billy: How about this for a book plug…Hey, all of you readers who have no clue who we are, what the fuck? And for those of you who do, happy Book 20. There. How was that?

Me: I do love you, Billy.

Mark: Oy!

Billy: Now he’s jealous.

Me: Sigh.

Mark: Right. Hullo, lovelies. Book 20 is coming soon, and whether you’re an Action! fan or not, we’ve got it all.

Billy: Cops, lifeguards, actors, firemen, lawyers…

Mark: And a top model.

Me: Wow. Thanks. I can’t ask for more than that.

Billy: You're welcome.

Mark: Ms Hauser?

Me: Huh?

Mark: I think you need to stop touching the captain.

Me: He didn’t complain.

Billy: Jealous, Richfield?

Mark: You are a brute.

Billy: Yeah. Right.

Me: Okay! Well, thanks for stimulating me once more and always being there for me when I need you.

Mark: You know we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Billy: I’m not going to kiss him.

Me: Aw.

Mark: He says that, then has a wank over my ads.

Billy: Mark!

Me: On that note. Happy reading to everyone who adores Mark and the gang. Bye!


Blurb for Anything But…

In Book 20 of the Action! Series, events come full circle.
As Carl Bronson waits for his next movie audition, the haunting warning of his talent agent, Adam Lewis, to deny, deny, deny, he was gay, was now becoming a reality. Carl’s film work dries up and his husband and costar of their TV series, Keith O’Leary, has a dismal film debut.
Meanwhile, Alexander Mark Richfield seems to have the Midas touch. And his police captain husband, a man twenty years older than Alex, finds out he just may get everything he wants in life (or maybe not.)
As the men of the Action! Series come back together for a grand reunion, it seems as if things are finally falling into place.
But be prepared…
In the universe where Mark Antonious Richfield reigns as the World’s Top Male Model, life is anything but…boring. For fans of the series, or a newcomer, enjoy another sex-filled romp with wild adventures.
The Action! Series; where dreams come true, men love men, superstars are made, and the media circus continues to be anything but- kind.



Sample chapter for Anything But…

“You could hide his keys.” Adam loaded the dishwasher.
“Yeah, right.” Steve put the leftover food into the refrigerator, while Jack threw away the empty containers and wiped the counter.
“How could you allow him to buy it?” Jack asked.
Steve just gave Jack a weary look.
Adam didn’t comment.
Jack said, “Ya know, for the first time in a long time, I don’t want to fuck him. I’m so tired of his bullshit.”
“We don’t have to make love, Jack.” Adam wiped his hands on a towel. “We can just watch a movie.”
“I’m good with that.” Steve made sure the kitchen was in order. “There might be baseball on.”
Adam rolled his eyes at the idea.
Steve pointed to the top floor. “Let me check on Mark.” He trotted up the stairs and looked into the bedroom. Mark was sound asleep, holding Praline.
Steve stared down at him. Mark, Mark, Mark…Nothing ever changes. It’s insane.
He sat beside Mark, caressing Mark’s long mane of brown hair. Mark stirred from his nap.
“I’m sorry, Steven. I’m knackered.”
“It’s okay. We’re going to watch a movie. I just wanted you to know.”
“No lovemaking?”
“Maybe later? Before bed?” Steve touched Mark’s cheek.
Mark set the stuffed bear aside, and reached for a hug.
Steve brought Mark into his arms. They hugged tightly and Steve inhaled Mark’s scent, whether it was his cologne or natural body aroma, Mark always smelled good. Steve nuzzled into Mark’s neck. “You can sleep. We’re fine hanging out.”
“I want to be with my boys this weekend.” Mark backed up, rubbing his eyes.
“We’re here. Come down and watch a movie with us.”
“What film?”
“I don’t know. You can help us decide.”
“I don’t care much for mainstream media.”
“I know.” Steve smiled.
“Steven?”
“Yes?” Steve got lost in Mark’s green eyes.
“I love you.”
Steve kissed Mark. “And I never get tired of hearing that.”
“And?” Mark made a silly face at him.
“Oh.” Steve teased. “Am I supposed to say it back?”
“Brute.”
“Come here.” He held onto Mark, rocking him in his arms. “Love, love, love you.”
“Mmm.” Mark went limp in Steve’s embrace.
“So? Up for a movie with our two favorite men?” Steve brushed Mark’s hair back from his forehead.
“Of course.”
Steve stood and reached for Mark.
Mark took his hand and Steve could see, as Mark stood, he may have gotten dizzy. Mark was notorious for fainting before photo shoots, since he tended to starve. No amount of nagging, coaxing, or complaining, would change it.
Steve waited, and then he knew Mark was not going to faint. He held him around his waist, and walked Mark down the stairs to meet with the other two.
Jack and Adam were snuggling together on the large sectional sofa, and they had brought their drinks with them.
Adam looked up at Mark. “Did you nap?”
“I did.” Mark sat down and stared at the TV. “What nonsense are you watching?”
Steve smiled and thumbed over his shoulder. “Anyone need anything?”
“Water, Steven?”
“We’re good.” Jack pointed to himself and Adam.
Steve left to get Mark a bottle of water, as well as one for himself. Once he did, he opened the door to the garage, looking at his Mercedes, Mark’s TVR, and the new addition, the Ducati. There was no way to prevent Mark riding. Mark was forty-four, not sixteen. And even though Mark may appear weak at times, he was as stubborn as a mule; the Milt Richfield blood was in Mark’s veins, whether he hated the old man or not. And the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Alexander Mark Richfield was the same. Not only did he look exactly like his top model dad, he had Mark’s stubborn streak as well.
Steve closed the garage door quietly, and lowered his head. There was nothing he could do. Nothing.
And that was the most frustrating part about it.
He brought two water bottles into the den, adjusted his expression, since Mark immediately watched him like a hawk, and then Steve sat beside Mark.
Mark thanked him for the water, cuddling up against Steve.
Steve sipped his water, setting it on a side table, and put his arm around Mark as they did something very rare. Watched TV on one of their sex-weekends.
Maybe they needed this. Time to just hang out without the expectation of a four-way sex orgy. It didn’t matter. Steve was glad he had Jack and Adam here, and he would enjoy his lover, his husband, the man who had become his world, until he no longer could.

Now available in ebook at all major distributors.

ANYTHING BUT in paperback: https://www.amazon.com/Anything-But-Action-Book-20/dp/1533467188

Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Anything-But-Book-20-Action-ebook/dp/B01HKAAYGC

All Romance ebooks:
https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-anythingbutbook20intheactionseries-2061284-340.html

Smashwords:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/645970

Bookstrand:
http://www.bookstrand.com/anything-but-book-20-in-the-action-series

Nook:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/anything-but-g-a-hauser/1123974345?ean=2940158464034


Kobo: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/ebook/anything-but-1

Death and social media

Well, hasn't it just been a lovely year so far?
David Bowie
Keith Emerson
Alan Rickman
Dan Haggerty
Glenn Frey
Abe Vigoda
Umberto Eco
George Kennedy
Garry Shandling
Patty Duke
Merle Haggard
Doris Roberts
and now... Prince

just to name a few. And I'm sure there are more.
People live, people die. Not only am I witnessing famous people dying, but because of social media, many more deaths are being posted.

I've got news for you...it never ends. Death- the final frontier?
Don't you wish we knew for certain where we go after we die? That what we believe in, regardless of faith, was true? Or does it pain you to think you may only rot in a box, or be cremated and scattered to the wind? Of course, I imagine everyone I have lost will be waiting. It certainly makes dying less frightening.

There is no easy way to deal with death, the Grim Reaper, or whatever name you place on it. But it's the ones left behind that suffer. The people who may have touched our lives through art, music, film, books, or just simply a loved one.

Nope. There's no escaping it.

Is there any better reason for kindness and love than the inevitability of dying?

Sometimes you get to say goodbye, sometimes death takes you by surprise.
Either way,

we all die.


As I watched a documentary about the amazing Jimi Hendrix last night, his performance in 1970 in Atlanta, GA. I was overwhelmed with sadness at losing someone like him. That era was a miserable time as well: Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Keith Moon...

What would they have achieved if they had hung around a little longer?
We will never know.
Death- the eternal mystery, and the great equalizer.



Social media, the new harbinger of death.

Be safe out there, be kind, and love. Life is very short indeed.

The Art of Spontaneous Combustion

spon·ta·ne·ous com·bus·tion
noun: spontaneous combustion
the ignition of organic matter (e.g., hay or coal) without apparent cause, typically through heat generated internally by rapid oxidation.

Well, this is the definition of it. And I at times feel as if I'm about to ignite.

Why? You may ask...or you may not, whatever... I have always been a dichotomy of beliefs, which has made me, and anyone around me, either confused or simply annoyed. If you want to talk about profiling or political views, well, talking to me will utterly baffle you. I know, I've heard it from many.

Let me try to explain.

I was an art student. I painted, sculpted, etched, you know the drill, all while going to art school in NYC and in my 'spare' time, I was battling killing wolves, and picketing the garment district which had a large fur manufacturing area. My love of animals translated to art.

Okay, I didn't make it as a world famous wildlife artist, but still, my heart was in the right place. Then, I hit other jobs, some good, some bad, some ugly....and then...the shit hit the fan.

I wanted to help people. So? I became a Seattle cop.

Me, the 'hippie' art student. Yup. My colleagues didn't understand me at all. When someone was kicking around the geese at Greenlake, who ya gonna call? 'Enviro-cop'. Me. I took all the calls none of the cops wanted, when it came to animals, well, most of them. I arrested a kid for putting a BB pellet into a sparrow, did you know it's a felony? The Pasado Law. Don't mess with me when it comes to animal cruelty, I will fuck you up.

Okay...wait a minute. A mini-cop, who likes the environment and animals. Already weird? Maybe. There's more! I'm supposed to be a thug. Right? I wear a badge and a gun. So? I stop people because of race, color, what? Don't I? Um no. Not me.
A cop that's not a racist? Another oxymoron! Sorry, buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Wrong.

Then, I went from 'Enviro-hippie' I-must-be-a-racist-thug-cop, to writing gay erotica. So now my right-wing police buddies can scratch their heads and think, 'See? She was insane."

Not only did I write gay erotic romance, I wrote and made an interracial film about two men! Oh No!

Naked Dragon
https://vimeo.com/ondemand/23760

and of course the original gay flick, Capital Games
http://www.amazon.com/Capital-Gregor-Cosgrove-Keough-Presnall/dp/B00GSA3K6C#

So what the hell do we have so far?? A wildlife artist, who protested fur, the killing of wolves, who became a cop, arrested bad guys, was supposed to be a 'thug' and racist, who loves machine guns...and now...I write gay stuff?

If you think that's bad, I do believe my Facebook wall is going to have a civil war. Between the police groups, the gay groups and the...well anything else you can imagine groups, I can't be fucking classified! My beliefs are extreme, but not on the same side!


What the hell am I going on about?
THIS- DO NOT JUDGE PEOPLE ON WHAT YOU THINK THEY SHOULD BE.
No-brainer, right? WRONG. The cops don't wanna see my daily male pics or my book covers about gay lovers, my left leaning voters aren't particularly keen on cops trying to keep alive, so they don't want to see police officers doing things that they are ORDERED to do, or well, yes, a few idiots are out there in every profession. Please, don't make this a debate against cops and civilians. Because as you see- I am caught up in the crossfire.


And that's why I drink...
No, I'm kidding. But it is why writing is such a salvation for me. If I couldn't vanish into my books, into the idea that love wins, love conquers all, and there is no place for hate in our lives, I would indeed, be done.

So, those of you who think they know me? Hate me for...(fill in the blank) fine. I'm learning the hard way, I can only control myself and my actions, not those of others.
But just be aware. If one day there is a pile of ashes on the chair in front of my computer, you now know. I have spontaneously combusted.

Be safe out there, it's a world gone mad.
PS I also wrote a ton of novels, some even about cops! check them out here, http://www.authorgahauser.com/

Losing Your Mind Over Fiction!

My Oh My!!!

How I love to create drama, in my books, not my life. (Nope)

As I read the reactions to my new release, BECOMING ALEX, I am truly heartened at how invested some readers become in fictional characters.
It's wonderful. No, I don't mind your opinion of them, but the fact that you ARE moved, whether it's to anger, laughter, tears, or fury. It has moved you. Wow. Talk about surreal. I knew when I began this series, it wouldn't be for everyone. To be honest, it was for me. Yup. Me.

The fact that any of you like it, or hate it, is fine. I have rabid fans who want book after book of these Action! men, even when I tried to end it. I did! I swear. 'Saying Goodbye' was the end. I even wrote a little story after, letting readers know, they are gone. But, I got email after email, begging for more. I was stunned. I mean, come on. How many books do you actually want from me with these nuts in it?

Well, I soon found out. Both 'Coming Home', and 'Knowing Better', hit the bestseller's list and, the reviews were pretty good on the whole.

It amazes me how emotional my readers are getting over my fictional characters, and slightly heartwarming, they mean so much to these fans. Mark and Billy have allowed their fantasies of each other to continue, but have not gone all the way since that fateful day.

The sticking point with the naysayers is the relationship between a twenty-six year old film superstar, Alex, and his forty-six year old LAPD police captain William P. Sharpe.

Remember, Billy fell in love with Alex when he was a young, troubled youth. Now the captain has a powerhouse award winning movie star to deal with, that means two very ambitious men trying to make it work. Billy would like nothing better than for Alex to make him his first priority, and quit acting completely. But Alex will never do that. Alex is quite the selfish kid, and will always put his own interest first- before his husband's. (Um, not to mention? They both cheated on Angel and Oliver...to be together in the first place.)

Also, there is a formidable deterioration in the relationship between Alex and his dad. Actually, hatred is beginning to form. Alex and his not-so-happy father Mark Antonious, have a history of not seeing eye to eye, and lately, it's worsening. As lovely Mark ages, and is coming to the end of his modeling career, he sees his son, has it all. Not only that, Mark made a supreme sacrifice for his son, one he has yet to get over, and his son simply didn't care.

I do understand the story is complex, sometime infuriating. But I also hope readers realize, drama- conflict- and betrayal, make for the best plots. I mean, look at how 'invested' you are in these men. It truly is amazing.

I am going to be writing the next book soon. Leaving where I left off. The 'cliff-hanger'. Nah. Nothing hanging...well, other than...what usually hangs in these books.

I wonder if these same readers, that dread my boys getting into trouble, realize the films and TV shows they enjoy daily, are rife with conflict and drama. It's what makes for excitement and sometimes, yes, disappointment.
I simply can't imagine writing: 'He woke up, brushed his teeth, ate breakfast, and went to work'...as a plot.
Nope. Nothing there. Yawn. I'm already bored.

Remember, I write from my own head, my own passion, my own personal feelings and experiences. I do appreciate positive feedback. Of course! (Not trolls' nasty spewing of dung) but of fans, who 18 books later, are pulling out their hair.

HELLO!! This is the Actin! Series! I mean, come on, if by now you don't expect the worst, the craziest and the most intense drama, then simply let my boys go. They will miss you, of course. But my word! I do love how much excitement its creating.

I would certainly think something was wrong if my Action! boys didn't misbehave. The entire series is about bad boys, crazy sex, and well, Mark Antonious Richfield!!!!

Ha. Love it.
Yes, well, Book 18, Becoming Alex.

I promised you a WILD ride. I delivered. And well, it's a bestseller on both Amazon and All romance ebooks

Some fans are emailing me that its the best book in the entire series. And others, miffed. "I will never read another book from this author." Which is just fine. I will survive. And, guess what? My Action! boys will too. Come on, you know you love them.

Here's the next cover, 'Doing the Dirty'.

Can you imagine Mark on a crotch-rocket? Being trained how to ride a motorcycle by California Highway Patrol officers?
Expect nothing less than insanity, sex and drama. Oh, and by the way, BIG EGOS - yes, Billy Sharpe, a macho police Captain, aspiring to be the top cop in LA, a powerhouse, yet a pushover for one man. Sorry. Love them or hate them. I will always love them, to my grave.

Be careful out there,
it's a troll-filled hate world of landmines.